My Heart Will Go On

Remember that scene in Titanic when Rose and Jack are perched up at the very back of the ship as it points up into the air, and there’s a groaning sound and they realize that this is it and the boat starts rushing down towards the cold, dark water?

I kind of feel that way right now.

Not that anything bad is going on or any disasters looming. Rather, I just feel that this is a turning point for us as parents. A tick of the clock that means we are entering a new phase. Our family is taking a giant leap forward.

This is it.

The change is that Little Miss Sunshine, at age 2 1/4, isn’t a baby anymore. She’s given up eating with a bib. She throws her booster seat out of her chair before she climbs up for a meal. She picks out her own clothes (dresses preferred at all times). We have a little potty in every room in the house.

And then, this weekend, we went out and bought her a big girl bed.

Yesterday afternoon, we had the bed frame together, but the mattress hadn’t been delivered yet. At nap time, Little Miss Sunshine asked for her big bed, but I had to tell her that it wasn’t ready yet.

“Come sleep in the little bed for one last time,” I said.

Then I had to rush out of her room and pull myself together.

I’ve said before that I’m ready to take this step, and I am. I’m ready to be done with changing diapers. I’m ready to travel without having to bring a playpen. I’m ready to call out, “Time to leave!” and be rewarded with three kids waiting at the door with shoes on and coats zipped, all without help.

But still, that cold water is rushing up and it is a little foreboding.

When the Captain and Gal Smiley reached their big-bed milestone, I had another baby in the background, another little person on the way. Then, I was all about get bigger, get older, get more independent. I was excited to put the crib away.

With Little Miss Sunshine, I want to hold on to the baby. At least for a little while. Or maybe a good, long while.

Instead, when Sir Monkeypants came home, we took the crib apart and put it in the furniture graveyard in the basement, along with the nursing chair and the rocker where we used to read Little Miss her bedtime story.

Last night was our first night with the white twin bed and butterfly sheets. Little Miss was nervous, but Sir Monkeypants lulled her to sleep with her favourite book and a back rub.

Then at 3:30 am. she discovered that she can get up! And see Mommy and Daddy! Whenever she wants!

Guess we’re not quite all grown up yet.

Still, it’s time to take a deep breath — we’re going under.